I don’t ever think lying is the best option.
That said, this is a delicate situation. I don’t know your culture or what is expected or tolerated.
If you want to marry someone, in my culture, I would counsel you to share with your fiance the whole history. Great relationships come with a commitment to honest and open communication. Again, I don’t know if your even entertaining this other woman might cause your fiance to dump you.
As to the woman stuck on you, if you can get her to help, that would be good. Maybe it’s appropriate to talk to her family, or husband. Again, I don’t know your culture.
You obviously care for her, but she is manipulating that, even if she is not aware of it. It leaves you both without power.
I don’t ever think lying is the best option.
You can include it, but it’s not the main part of this exercise for you.
What you need to do is acknowledge that it’s over. It might be over because of something you did. It might be over for reasons having nothing to do with you. But as long as you are thinking about her, you are not completely with the person in front of you now.
Find a way to celebrate the person in front of you right now.
If you can’t, maybe you shouldn’t be in this relationship right now. Maybe you should take a little more time to just get complete with what was.
I’ve currently have a girlfriend and still can’t stop thinking about my ex girlfriend that broke up with me over a year ago. Should still write to my ex thanking her for the good times? I still feel I might want to get back with ex, but not sure. I’m really confused in what to do?
First, thanks for commenting. I hope you got some value out of this.
Second, you don’t have to send her anything. This is for you to get complete. Sometimes, in doing that, you find that there’s something you want to apologize for, or something you want to acknowledge her for, or you just want to give her a chance to be complete as well If that’s the case, share it with her.
In my case, whether we worked as boyfriend and girlfriend, I still value my exes as friends, if they are interested in staying in contact. So I’m happy to share with them.
This is a helpful list. But I was confused on a basic point–the letter you send to her, listing all the wonderful things she did for you and how she made you feel. Do you send it?
The problem is it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. He’s stuck in the past. He has decided he missed "the one." Until he is ready to move on, to do this exercise, or whatever other work is necessary to put her behind him, he will not be 100% in any other relationship.
It could happen that in the course of a marriage to someone else, and with what he creates there, he lets his prior love go, or he could just become more distant.
Perhaps it doesn’t matter whether she was his true love.
Is he willing to love you and commitment to making an amazing life with you, and leaving his "true love" behind so that he can actually create something else, like a "new love."
Hi I need an answer for this.
One guy will take 2 year time to propose a girl after she agree they where in to 7 month love later in her home parents made er to marry a another guy but the guy who love her he a nit in conditions to marry her in that time due to he was still studying. This was happen before 3 year back now she s having a baby I think she happy with married life but this guy still in her memory. Can any one say is this true love?
Now with same guy m also fall in love I have a feeling caring everything for him but from his end my not feeling anything but he say he loves me and he said ready to marry me.
But I need him completely main and he should feel for me what I can do for this.
But he say that was his true love can anyone say is that’s true love. And What is true love?
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So true, Dave, that we often limit ourselves by thinking about our constraints, instead of our possibilities. It’s hard, though, at midlife, to change or give up things that we have invested in for years, harder still if you have children and the routines they thrive on. Takes a great deal of courage and willingness to cope with uncertainty. I have a friend who’s a vet, who decided mid-career that he wanted to be able to do surgery and went back for a 3 year internship in vet internal medicine. Pulled up stakes in NY, moved to CA with his wife, who is able to make her career work anywhere she wants to live, and they are living a great life. (Albeit, they have no children–also a purposeful decision on their part.) He’s about to finish, and they’re talking about what’s important to them both in order to figure out exactly what job, where, he wants to take when he’s done. It’s purposeful, passionate living. They are happy. Any therapist worth their salt knows that change, while often desired, is also feared, and people rarely choose to change their circumstances unless they’re in enough pain that the pain of no change becomes greater than the pain of change. The balance has to tip to find that courage.
Comment from: Bianca [Visitor]
Wonderful piece, that touches the core of what prevents us (me) from changing: fear. This kind of writing helps me to keep on track. :-)
I think you are really on to something - that sometimes there is ‘too much of a good thing’ and it replace the more important things of community, family, and personal growth, with ‘bigger better deal’ syndrome, or of being in a rush to get some ‘predetermined destination’ such that one forgets to enjoy the journey on the way there. And that the powers that be seem to be more into red tape than real community building. Good post!